Basketball

Los Angeles Lakers

Yes, you read right. I had to choose between the Celtics and the Lakers, but ultimately I chose the Lakers for these reasons:

• Kobe Bryant
• Most true douchebags who like the other teams mentioned on this blog would never say that they rooted for a Boston team. Only Boston douchebags would say this.
• Kobe Bryant

Reasons I almost didn't pick the Lakers:

• Nick Van Exel (remember him?!)
• I was about to say the Oklahoma City Thunder, but that's only because I'm angry they aren't the Seattle Sonics anymore. Also, thought about it and realized I still hate the Lakers more.

RUNNER UP DOUCHEBAG TEAM- The Boston Celtics

Football

The Dallas Cowboys

Don't let their blow out loss today fool you... ever since Troy Aikman graced the field the Dallas Cowboys have been a breeding ground for douchebag sports fans. I feel, though, that the Cowboys fans have been let down a lot recently, so it's hard for me to really back this one up. However, if their favorite sports teams are all featured on this blog then they have no excuse: Douchebag.

Cowboys fans my age grew up watching the team win and win and win and they were probably picked on in middle school because of their lack of personality so they started rooting for the winning team over and over again to have some sort of feeling of victory in their life. That's a Cowboys fan.

RUNNER UP DOUCHEBAG TEAM- New England Patriots

Baseball

New York Yankees

Yep. I think this one goes undisputed. Douchebags far and wide are huge Yankees fans. The Yankee fans in New York are pretty bad, but it's the fans who live no where near New York that shows the true sign of a douchebag. These people probably have purchased the best things with their copious amounts of money, bought most of their friends, and if they lose anything they will bribe the winner to give them the winning status.

Yankees fans also only have short term memory... they can't remember back two seasons... unless it's about how they won.

RUNNER UP DOUCHEBAG TEAM- Boston Red Sox

An Explanation

Every once in a while you run across an individual who just emanates douchebag. He orders jager shots, eats copious amounts of chicken wings and won't share his celery, and he often will tell you: "No, seriously bro, this chick was the bomb! She had a tattoo on her lower back... fucking got a boner looking at it."

That is a douchebag.

Then, you ask him to name his favorite teams... his favorite sports teams... and it turns out that the three teams that he loves are spread across the country, and he tends to live no where near any of them. It seems the only reason he likes these teams is that they win. And because they win, he gets to tell himself that he's successful in at least one aspect of life: that of choosing sports teams. These are the teams that he likes.

Or he's from Boston. That also could follow suit with this description.